Reframing Altruism

Learning how to tend mutually to the needs of others. (this is an expanded version of my Psychology Today Blog of January 8, 2026)

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

“ Something is no part of something else” —Gregory Bateson

Being altruistic is commonly defined as selfless concern for others. It is often discussed as reciprocal to empathy, which is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another (see my previous post on the topic). Nicole Karlis, in her book Your Brain on Altruism, writes that it may be time to reframe altruism not just as personal restoration but as something communal. I cannot agree more. We know the mind-body benefits of helping others and of understanding one’s feelings. However, the research only hints that empathy and altruism are often used superficially and are challenging to maintain in our hectic society.

“puppy love”

Source: (c) Natasha Rabin/used with permission

As Mahatma Gandhi expressed, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” My friend and author Mehmet Yildiz takes this one step further by advocating for us to “listen to the story behind the story.” How can we overcome what stifles our ability to work together to tend to the needs of others? I believe that finding our way to recognize our interdependency means going beyond the words altruism and empathy. This entails using all our senses, body language, tone, etc., to understand how to communicate in an analogue manner what lies hidden between us.

Ursula K. Le Guin describes this ongoing process: “Nothing remains the same from one moment to the next, you can’t step into the same river twice. Life—evolution—the whole universe of space/time, matter/energy—existence itself—is essentially change.… The more things go on moving, interconnecting, conflicting, ever-changing, the less balance there is—and the more life.”

When you desire to blend with the feelings of others with selfless concern, you are interfacing interdependently, including the environmental contexts that house us and feed our emerging evolution. Tending to each other’s needs is sharing what we are, mingling with one another within the simultaneous contexts that surround us. James Baldwin believed, “I have always felt that a human being could only be saved by another human being.”

Altruism can be sustained when it becomes a creative communal process that addresses past insensitivity and injustice. It can create new contexts, like a garden that needs to be groomed, to bridge the harm caused by polarization and the unnecessary conflict occurring within families, communities, and government. Nicole Karlis notes that “the research does show that in-person…that’s where you’re really going to have those optimal health benefits,” especially on the communal and broader levels of society.

When the process of tending to the mutual needs of others is what is between us, we are using our potential to create what relationships are about. It opens the door to the complexities that surround and are intermingling within us. It allows for resolution of divisions, conflict and polerazation.The word altruism rightfully dissolves into the interdependency of our interfacing.

The perceived parts of imposed separation and fragmentation of which we have been trained to accept become in relationship. We become connected and able to inquire as to what surrounds us, be it the many intricate processes in the meadowing, foresting, learning, loving, parenting and so on. We are able to understand where the edge is of everything and how it is mutually related. Complexity is now visible. This is real analoging that goes beyond our senses and limiting digital forms of communicating at each other.

Working Toward Reframing Altruism

Here are some prompts and suggestions for working with others to learn how to mutually reframe altruism.

• In what ways can you mingle or communicate with others in a win-win volley about strategies for navigating the multitude of separate health institutions and medical disciplines?

• How can you work with parents and interested community members to help make children’s educational experiences more meaningful and relevant to their individual needs?

• What possibilities exist for mutually sharing and learning from others how best to tend to everyday needs across different contexts of economics, religion, family, health, politics, work, schooling, and the media?

• Describe experiences and feelings that make a difference when you lose yourself in the service of others.

• Does the word altruism describe all aspects of your experience of having concern for others?

• In what ways was altruism discussed or modeled in your family of origin?

• Can you remember a time when you avoided caring for another, and how has that affected you?

• What regrets do you have about missed opportunities to tend to the needs of someone else?

• Allow yourself to relax your mind and body, breathe coherently (six seconds to inhale and six seconds to exhale), and visualize interacting with those who are essential in your life. Consider how tending to their needs might differ from your previous patterns of communication with them.

• Read my earlier post about empathy and create a plan to utilize empathy and altruism in a more ecological way to achieve a sense of mutuality and interdependency with others in your community.

• How do you view altruism in the context of giving donations vs. caring in non materialistic ways?

• Gather a group of friends and discuss how to tend to the needs of others in the contexts of work, education, culture, economics, the environment, and media.

• Keep a journal of narratives in which you feel that being altruistic has made a difference in your life and in the lives of those you interact with.

Most of all, enjoy the rewards of being part of a wider communal effort to bring peace and harmony to our world.